I once knew a woman who was quite fantastic. She was most kind, sweet, goofy, and good-natured. She has had a profound impact on my life for the good. I even thought I was going to marry her--I was committed to doing just that and planned my life around it at one point a couple of years ago. We didn't marry, and this post is about why I don't mind that we didn't. The me two years ago couldn't possibly fathom saying that, and I am filled with great peace and joy as I am able to say that now.
When God called us to go our separate ways, I was devastated, understandably. Even though I tried my best to trust that God had great wisdom in what he was doing and that he had both hers and my happiness in high priority when he did this, I had plenty of moments of doubt. I doubted that he would help me find such a great woman who was such a great fit for me again. I felt that God was punishing me, telling me that I need to shape up and be a more consistently good man of God. In a lot of ways that IS what he was telling me to do. But he certainly didn't cause me any pain because of a desire to punish me. No, not at all.
My God is not one who punishes or even seeks to punish. He loves me with a love that I continually discover goes only deeper and deeper. He knew exactly what he was doing then, and he is still intimately involved in my life. He is involved in all of the small victories that I make, all of the slow but steady progress I make in becoming the man I've always wanted to be. I am so thankful for the kind and patient guidance and supporting strength he gives me regularly. Every time I seek my daily bread from him, it is given.
God has shown me many different kinds of girls since Lindsey, but only this summer have I been blessed to begin a journey of getting closer and closer to a kindred spirit again. It may sound a little funny, but I already see so many qualities and personality traits about Cara that I prefer over what I had with Lindsey. That fills me with enormous amounts of excitement and gratitude. I was told by friends that someday I'd meet a girl I could love even more than I loved Lindsey (which was an awful lot), and though I had hope I had no idea how long it would take. I sincerely feel that Cara is the type of gal for whom I could develop such love. I have great hopes for our relationship, but I surrender ultimately to the will of my eternal king.
His will be done as to where this relationship goes is my true feeling, but by golly I am enjoying it and have a lot of excitement for what is to come. I am very grateful to my God for giving me this blessed opportunity to befriend her more and more deeply as the days and weeks go on. In some ways, looking back at my whole life and especially the last year, I want to playfully tell Lindsey that she's been very wrong about something she says quite ofte. I want to tell her that she in fact is NOT God's favorite child, because if God loves me enough to do the things He's done for me, I have to be more favorite than she is. Sorry to burst your bubble, Lindsey. :)
God truly delights to honor those who honor him. He blesses us with daily measures of grace, love, peace, hope, motivation, and blessed protection whenever we ask for it. I am definitely a witness of that.
